Turn Your Head And Cough Twice

I absolutely cannot get KY Jelly out of my head.

It's stuck IN my head, not stuck ON my head by the way.  

That's never.... Well, actually, there was this one time I got it in my hair, but that's another post altogether. 

Wait, now that I think about it, it wasn't KY in my hair, it was WET International lubrication. 

Wet International = the absolute best liquid orgasm lube on the Universe in my unhumble opinion. 

Yeah, I said universe. It should be called Wet Universe because if there are Martians on Neptune getting freaky, you best believe they are using this shit. 

Wait, wouldn't the Martians be on Mars though? Um... right.

So If these lubes were ranked in terms of panties, just think of it this way - WET International would be lacy crotchless panties and KY Jelly would be the granny/period panties. 

For those of ya'll who don't know, period panties are the ghetto panties 2 sizes too big with the moth eaten holes and busted elastic. The panties you don't care if you bleed all over, so your Vicky S. panties stay right. 

For the record, I am totally exaggerating on the holes and busted elastic. I don't own underwear in that shape, so don't be emailing me 'bout that shit for real. 

Yeaaaaah. Okay, where was I? Oh right, this KY shit has been haunting me for days son. Seriously, this is the second time in 2 days that the phrase "KY Jelly" has been banged from these fingertips. 

It's just that I was reading Ronni's vox and she was talking about the new liquid restrictions on airlines and this is what she said:

"KY Jelly is allowed as carry-on. What, pray-tell, would someone need with KY JELLY on a plane? Carmex is not allowed, but KY Jelly is."

Well since I may have been a stewardess in a past life, I think I can enlighten you as to why this is. There are two reasons actually. 

Reason #1

Airlines are allowing the KY JELLY on board is because when they are fucking us in the ass with all these new restrictions, it's only customary that they lubricate our buttholes first.

Kind of like the free peanuts. You know how you dig your index finger in the peanut packet for the crunchy nuttty bits? It's pretty much the same fashion one would employ inserting lube from a tube into a person's asshole. 

Reason #2

After knowing all this, will you really dig your finger into another carmex and feel the same way again? I don't think so. 

Thank you for flying the friendly skies.